


echoes

by wurin



Series: those who have disappeared [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Ending, Smut, Vampire Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Vampire Lee Taeyong, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:39:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27770137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wurin/pseuds/wurin
Summary: This is what he hates the most about being a vampire.I’m sorry, he whispers under his breath, so low that he almost doesn’t hear himself, as if he only thought about the words, played in his own head.Then, he bites.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Series: those who have disappeared [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2047937
Comments: 23
Kudos: 134





	echoes

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this was born from the arrival version pics and tbh it’s a mess, i just wanted to write angst and about vampire doyoung being a bit mean but then my mind started to come up with too many ideas so i tried to put as many as i could in this... idek if this fic makes sense but anyway don’t take it too seriously and i hope you will enjoy reading it!! please let me know what you think about it 💘
> 
> english is not my first language so forgive me if there are mistakes!

Over the years, Taeyong has learned what being a vampire means. Contrary to what he believed at first, the meaning is different for each one. 

Kun would say he doesn’t remember his human life anymore, memories start to become smudged after thousands of years, they slowly fade away, too many to keep all of them clear. _My heart used to beat_ , he’d say, _it’s the only thing I’m certain of._ Taeyong doesn’t know how that feels, but he kind of understands him, if he can’t remember the way being human felt, then being a vampire is natural for him, he doesn’t need to find a meaning or learn how to be one. 

Ten would laugh, he remembers too much, and yet, he never answers. Taeyong guesses that if it were possible, Ten would be a vampire from birth, knowing what to do from the first day because it’s in his nature. 

Taeyong’s sure that if he asked each member of their Coven, he’d get all different answers. 

The answer he found to the question is different for him too, maybe too different, and probably not what it’s supposed to be. 

Taeyong never enjoyed being a vampire. He hates it, and yet, he can’t do anything about it. A day, he opened his eyes a second time and everything was different, his heart was still and he didn’t need to breathe anymore. 

After that day, he tried to become a vampire, it was hard and he’s sure he still hasn’t really become one, at least not one who matches everyone’s beliefs. 

“Where are you going?” Dongyoung asks him, seated on the floor in front of the door that connects their Coven House to the backyard. 

If he were human, the question would’ve startled him, made him jump at least a bit. It’s dark and before Dongyoung spoke, it seemed like no one was there. Though, Taeyong isn’t human, not anymore, and he remains unfazed. 

“Nowhere,” he answers, voice a whisper, it’s not like Dongyoung won’t hear him. Surely, even Mark who’s in his bedroom listening to music heard him. 

“It looks like you’re going somewhere,” the other insists, getting up from the floor. Taeyong could ask him why he’s there, almost as if he’s waiting for something, or better, someone, but he doesn’t, because he already knows. 

They both know Taeyong is going somewhere, “I’m not,” yet he says, taking a step back when Dongyoung takes one towards him. “Why were you on the floor?” 

Dongyoung chuckles, looking to the side, “I was waiting for the sun to go down,” he lies, it’s been more than one hour that the sun has already gone down. 

Taeyong wants to tell him to quit whatever he’s trying to do, ignore him and just go back to what he was doing before. In the end, he doesn’t say anything, he nods, and then, only after he has turned to go back to his room, Dongyoung gets closer and takes his wrist between his cold fingers. Taeyong stands still. 

“Weren’t you going somewhere?” he asks again, Taeyong wants to sigh, but he just keeps looking ahead of him, Dongyoung’s lips almost touching the right side of his temple. Bodies brushing against each other’s. 

He was going to before Dongyoung decided to interfere with it. Taeyong can’t go out without the other not being aware of it anymore. 

“I said I’m not,” Taeyong answers once again, the other can ask a thousand times, the answer will always be the same. 

It’s like time stops, they remain there, still, Taeyong’s eyes closed and Dongyoung’s fingers wrapped around his wrist in a gentle grip. He could easily shrug the fingers off or yank his wrist away, Dongyoung would let it go, but he doesn’t. 

Then, Dongyoung’s voice makes time start again. 

“Are you starving yourself?” 

Taeyong sighs, “I’m not,” he lies. He hasn’t fed in more than two weeks, it’s not the longest he has gone without feeding, but the hunger has started to be constant.

Dongyoung lets his wrist go and Taeyong opens his eyes. 

The other knows he hasn’t fed in more than two weeks, everyone knows, and yet, no one asks him why he has waited so long because they know Taeyong won’t answer, he never does. Dongyoung’s the only one who still tries sometimes, when he realises it’s been longer than usual. 

He walks away from the other without saying anything else, headed back to his bedroom. 

Taeyong can wait for one more day. 

  
  


○

  
  
  


This is what he hates the most about being a vampire. 

_I’m sorry,_ he whispers under his breath, so low that he almost doesn’t hear himself, as if he only thought about the words, played in his own head. 

Then, he bites. 

○

  
  


Not everyone knows vampires exist. Taeyong was one of those people. He didn’t know and he would’ve preferred dying and still not knowing. 

His official death happened on the 26th of November. Taeyong was twenty-five years old and he thought he would’ve lived much longer, but in a bathroom club, a vampire bit him and killed him. He would’ve remained dead if it weren’t for the fact that someway, he doesn’t even know how, he drank that vampire’s blood before dying. 

Of course, that night he didn’t know he was in a club where vampires were too, he didn’t know that the man he was making out with in a dirty bathroom stall was a vampire. He was also drunk, intoxicated, on the verge of passing out, and he doesn’t remember much. He just remembers a body against his, colder than usual.

Maybe it’s better he doesn’t remember his face, he can’t hate someone he doesn’t remember about, someone who could not even exist. 

He tried to blame his human-self for being too drunk that night, but deep down, he knows it’s not his fault. Even if he was sober, he wouldn’t have ever realised the man was a vampire, he would’ve made out with him and still ended up dead. He just hates it had to be himself, that he became a vampire and he didn’t even know they existed. 

  
  


○

  
  


“ _Fuck_ ,” he moans, fingers gripping the other’s shoulders, nails digging into his skin. Dongyoung kisses him and it feels like fire is slowly eating at him. It burns him from the inside, it’s painful, but at the same time, he likes it, he _loves_ it too much to stop, to not let Dongyoung fuck him. 

“Faster,” Taeyong whimpers the request against his lips, bruised and slick with saliva. Dongyoung obeys without wasting a moment, he fucks him faster, deeper, and Taeyong forgets everything. 

He forgets he’s a vampire, he forgets he hates killing humans to feed himself, he forgets Dongyoung does the exact opposite, that he hates humans and kills as many as he can. Taeyong forgets his own name, where he is, that probably everyone can hear them fuck. There’s only pleasure in his head. His toes curl with each thrust, his hands search for something to hold onto to ground himself, his lips beg to be kissed, to be bitten, and his skin wants to catch on fire, even if it’s cold like ice. 

Dongyoung’s body against his feels like nothing else does, it’s both too much and not enough, he wants to get as close as possible to the other, but he can’t, each part of their bodies are touching, yet Taeyong wants more, and more, and more, until he won’t be able to understand where’s the line that divides them. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Dongyoung whispers against the skin of his neck, he leaves chaste kisses on it, following an imaginary line until he reaches his clavicle. He bites the skin there, just enough to let some drops of blood slide down on the sheets. Taeyong can only moan, he doesn’t need to breathe, but he almost feels breathless. 

“Kiss me,” Taeyong tells Dongyoung, fingers threading though the other’s black hair, tugging at some strands. Dongyoung kisses him, open-mouthed, tongues catching on their fangs, lips broken by them, but Taeyong doesn’t care, he doesn’t care about anything, he just wants to get kissed and fucked hard, he wants to forget. He wants to feel human, even if it’s just for brief moments, even if he fools himself. 

Dongyoung leans his forehead against his, a grunt leaves his lips and Taeyong opens his eyes, he didn’t even realise he had closed them. The other’s looking back at him, eyes into his, they’re black, full with lust, the sight sends a shiver down Taeyong’s back. 

With each thrust, his cock brushes against his abdomen and Dongyoung’s, he’s close, but he doesn’t want to cum, he wants to keep going and going, until he won’t be able to move anymore, until he will see only white behind his eyelids. Until he will believe for real that he’s human again.

It’s when the thrusts start to become sloppy and too fast that Taeyong knows Dongyoung’s close too. 

“Come inside,” he says against the other’s lips, Dongyoung doesn’t answer with words, but Taeyong sees it in his eyes. He sees the same pleasure he’s feeling, consuming the both of them. 

Dongyoung grips his waist tighter, and for once, Taeyong wishes his body wouldn’t heal so quickly, that he’d be able to touch and feel the pain of the bruises left by the other’s fingers for days, to remind himself it happened for real, that Dongyoung touched him. 

Taeyong comes first, he shuts his eyes close and opens his lips around a silent moan, the pleasure spreads in each part of his body, and it feels like electricity is running through his veins. It almost feels like his heart is beating again.

Dongyoung follows him soon after once Taeyong starts to clench around his cock, he comes with a low moan imprinted against the skin of Taeyong’s cheek, with an arm wrapped around his waist and the elbow of the other pressed into the pillow by Taeyong’s head.

After a few moments that seem like they last hours, Dongyoung gently pulls out, but it makes Taeyong shiver anyway, even more when he feels the cum sliding out on his skin. Then, it’s like a bubble is burst, as if nothing happened, Dongyoung gets up from the bed and without saying a word he starts dressing himself.

Taeyong should be used to it, he follows the other’s movements and pretends it doesn’t hurt. He doesn’t speak either, what should he say? _Please, don’t leave me_ , maybe? And then, what? Why would he ask the other not to leave when there’s nothing between the two of them, when they just fuck. Taeyong loves him, Dongyoung knows he loves him, everyone does, but they’re nothing.

So Taeyong remains silent, he presses his lips into a line and watches the other’s back leave. Of course, even if he wants to, he can’t cry, everyone would hear him. _Dongyoung would hear him_. He just moves around on the bed, and if he’s strong enough, he stares at the bruises on his hips disappearing. If he’s not, he closes his eyes and pretends he can fall asleep. 

  
  


○

  
  


_As soon as he turns, among all the things he believes he can’t do anymore as a vampire, crying is definitely one of the firsts that comes to his mind._

_He doesn’t exactly know why, maybe because he thinks vampires are heartless beings not able to feel any emotion, so why do they need to cry if they can’t feel anything?_

_Taeyong is wrong. He can cry and he’s not sure if it’s just him, but he can still feel emotions. He thought that as soon as his heart stopped to beat, everything that made him a human would’ve disappeared too. It didn’t. He still feels sad, angry or content, and he can cry, oh, if he doesn’t cry._

_He cries when he’s hungry because he doesn’t want to be, he doesn’t want to crave blood._

_He cries when his hands are a dark red, stained by blood and it doesn’t matter how much he scrubs them, they’re always dirty. They won’t ever be clean again._

_He cries when his eyes land on unresponsive bodies, two small-sized cuts on the skin of their necks, sometimes the wrists too._

_He cries when Dongyoung tells him he has to feed._ You have to kill them, Taeyong. You’re a vampire, you need blood to survive. 

_He cries when Dongyoung —no matter the fact he always tells him he has to kill— still lets him feed on himself because Taeyong hates being a vampire and hates killing humans even more. Sometimes, he thinks he’s willing to starve himself to death if it means he won’t kill anyone, but then the hunger becomes unbearable and he’s sinking his fangs into someone’s warm body, and he cries because he’s a coward._

_At some point after he turned, maybe even too late, he learns, not how to feed without the guilt eating at his insides, but how to stop crying. Instead of learning how to be a vampire, he learns how to pretend he’s one. It never becomes natural to him, the speed, the enhanced senses, the smell of blood. He never gets accustomed to them, so he starts believing he’s defective. He feels too much, his heart is dead and yet, he’s still more human than vampire._

_Though, there’s something he still hasn’t learned not to cry for._

_He cries for Dongyoung._

_He cries because he loves him. He loves him with his decaying heart, his dirty hands, with his whole dead body. But Dongyoung doesn’t love him back, or if he does, he can’t accept it. He can’t accept he has feelings, the same humans have, because he hates them, and he can’t be like them. He can’t accept the weakness that comes with love, so he just pretends it’s not there, that it’s not in his decaying heart too, like it’s in Taeyong’s._

_So Taeyong cries and he feels pain, and he doesn’t know how to stop. He doesn’t know how to pretend when it comes to love._

  
  


○

  
  


“Hyung,” Jisung calls him, and when Taeyong turns to the side, for only a brief moment, he doesn’t see the present Jisung, he sees his past self. He was small, Taeyong was taller than him, and he was constantly afraid of himself and of the Coven.

Taeyong couldn’t blame him, his whole family was murdered by vampire hunters and even if he was still young, he understood what happened. When Kun brought him to their Coven he was still covered in blood, trembling, eyes wide and full of fear.

Now, Jisung is taller than Taeyong and most of the time, he’s not scared of them anymore, at least never of Taeyong. He grew up, but just like Taeyong did, he still struggles with being a vampire.

“Hyung,” he says again, almost with a pout, and Taeyong chuckles, paying attention to him.

“What, you big baby,” he replies with a small smile on his lips. Whenever he looks at the other, he feels like his cold body is suddenly getting warmer, fondness spreading through it. He keeps the thought tucked into his head, hidden from everyone, but he likes to think of the other as his own child, someone to nurture and to love as much as he can. Jisung never minds if Taeyong coddles him too much, if he takes care of him in any way possible or if he worries about him more than he should. Jisung never says anything and Taeyong lets himself have it.

Sometimes, he can’t stop himself from not noticing the way Dongyoung treats Jisung too. He’s not like Taeyong, who hugs Jisung and holds his hand whenever he can. Dongyoung’s more subtle about it, and yet, Taeyong notices it anyway. It’s in the way he asks the other if he has fed with a gentle tone, to which most of the times Jisung responds he hasn’t, or it’s in the way he defends him when the others tell Jisung he has to learn to feed on his own, without relying on anyone. It’s in the small acts, the fact Jisung is the only one who can ask Dongyoung for something and the other would never deny him of it, or the fact Taeyong can hear Dongyoung checking on Jisung whenever he hasn’t left his bedroom for more than a day, even if they all know he’s well.

And when Taeyong’s too weak to stop from indulging himself more than he should, he stops pretending and fantasies about Jisung being their child. He loves to imagine the two of them taking care of Jisung in their own ways. He feels it deep down in his chore, and even if he tries to lock it inside as much as he can, sometimes he’s not able to.

“Do you think I’m faulty?” 

_Oh._

His words are small, almost as if he’s scared of them. If he were human, Taeyong’s heart would squeeze on itself, hard and painful. But maybe, it does anyway.

He shakes his head, takes the other’s hand into his, “You’re not faulty, Jisung, who made you think of that?” he tries to reassure him, even if he’s aware his words probably won’t change the other’s mind. Nothing ever changed his own.

“No one, it’s just my thought,” Jisung answers, head lowered. Taeyong’s not sure it’s the truth, even if it doesn’t happen often, at times the others speak to Jisung as if there’s something wrong with him, as if they think it’s not normal that he can’t kill humans, and Taeyong wishes he could be there to shut them up everytime it happens. “I can’t feed on my own, hyung has to give me blood and each time I try to do it, I back away as soon as I touch a human’s body.”

“I know it’s not easy,” Taeyong tells him, fingers under the other’s chin to lift his head and look into his eyes. Jisung has to understand he’s not alone, that Taeyong is there, that he will help him no matter what. “I’ve been through that, and I also know it’s scary to think your mind doesn’t work like it should, but I promise you that it’s okay. Little by little, you’ll learn, just like I did and you’ll forget about this.”

He’s lying. Taeyong has never forgotten the guilt, the wrongness and each nasty feeling because they’re still all there, rooted into his brain, but he can’t let Jisung believe his own words, he can’t let Jisung hate himself. 

“Then why is it not happening?” Jisung asks him, desperate, Taeyong can see tears in his eyes.

He smiles, soft, and then he moves his hand to the other’s cheek, caressing it. “It’s not something that happens in a day, you have to be patient.”

Taeyong feels bile raise in his throat, it’s all lies and he’s making Jisung believe it’s the truth.

The younger nods, but he doesn’t seem completely convinced, as if he’s doing it just to make Taeyong happy. Though, it’s too late, he’s already worried. He doesn’t want someone else to know about this, the words he receives from the others would be even worse if they knew, but at the same time, he’s not sure he will be able to help him by himself. Dongyoung’s the only one who can help him, even if Taeyong doesn’t want to ask, but it’s the only way not to let Jisung despise himself.

Just like Dongyoung helped Taeyong, he will help Jisung too. 

  
  


○

  
  


Dongyoung’s fingers feel warmer than his own skin, and even if Taeyong knows it’s just in his head, he pretends it’s real anyway.

For once, Taeyong can’t hear any sound and he’s content, silence is a rare thing in a house full of people, especially for a vampire. Dongyoung remains silent too, he just keeps caressing Taeyong’s naked thigh, fingers travelling from its upper part to his knee.

They just fucked, and for the first time, Dongyoung hasn’t left soon after. He moved to the side of the bed Taeyong never occupies and leaned against its headboard. It caught Taeyong by surprise, it almost looked as if it was natural for Dongyoung, as if it was something he did millions of times. But after Taeyong realised Dongyoung was staying, he adjusted his body on the bed, not caring about cleaning himself up, and let the other touch him.

His hand is gentle, light as a feather, and it travels on his skin leaving tingles behind. Taeyong reaches his own hand towards the other’s abdomen and once he starts moving his finger into imaginary lines, he places his head on Dongyoung’s chest too.

Dongyoung lowers his face into his hair, he leaves a kiss there and then, he sighs. “You know,” he speaks, silence broken, but Taeyong doesn’t mind, “it’s hard for me to say this.”

Taeyong waits, he doesn’t look up because he’s scared that once they’ll look into each other’s eyes, Dongyoung will regret it and won’t speak anymore. Their fingers don’t stop.

“It’s okay, take your time,” Taeyong tells him, voice low, holding Dongyoung’s free hand into his. Dongyoung’s the one who interlaces their fingers.

He sighs again, Taeyong smiles to himself. 

“It’s just… I— You know I love you, right?”

Taeyong knows, sometimes it’s just hard believing it. It’s hard when the other leaves him alone on a bed too big, it’s hard when he ignores Taeyong’s tears and it’s hard when he’s the one who hurts Taeyong. But he knows.

“I know.”

“I— I’m sorry,” then, he whispers, lips brushing against his hair, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

 _You’re forgiven_ , it’s the first thing Taeyong thinks, but he knows it’s not that easy, that even if he says the words out loud, Dongyoung won’t believe him.

“I love you too,” he whispers back. Dongyoung squeezes his hand and after, he brings it to his lips and kisses his skin. Twice.

Taeyong feels warm.

_It’s enough._

  
  


○

  
  


It’s not the first time it happens and yet, like each time it does, the sight makes him sick, almost as if he still were a human, about to throw up the contents of his stomach.

The smell should make him crazy, should be heavenly, intoxicating him like nothing else should, but it doesn’t. It never really hasn’t. Definitely not the first time, and not even after so many years. Taeyong has accepted he’s not like the others a long time ago, it’s easier than struggling every day, it’s easier to close his eyes for a moment, then open them again and just pretend. He pretends, he doesn’t care even if the others notice it, he doesn’t care even if Dongyoung knows.

Of course, he pretends not to care too.

Jisung is holding his hand, fingers tight around each other’s, Taeyong can feel him shake, and if he were another, maybe Ten or Yuta, he’d tell the other to stop it, _you’re a vampire, Jisung, stop being a scared youngling and act like a fucking vampire,_ but Taeyong isn’t them. Taeyong doesn’t like hurting anyone, he doesn’t find joy in it, though, when he hears those words directed at Jisung, to his Jisung, his and—

 _Enough_ , he tells himself, and like he always does, he closes his eyes. When he opens them he’s pretending again.

Jisung keeps shaking, Taeyong knows it’s both hunger and fear, knows it’s because of the blood pooled on the marble floor and the person dripping it on it.

No one speaks, Dongyoung looks at him, waiting for something Taeyong doesn’t even know, and Taeyong looks back at him, he won’t look away, not this time. He can be weak when it’s just the two of them, he can cry when Dongyoung comes back and his eyes almost are totally black, empty and at the same time filled with lust for blood. He can’t do that now because Jisung is holding his hand, Jisung is going to be even more scared if Taeyong does that.

“Hyung,” Jisung says, voice a faint whisper that they can hear only because they’re vampires. “What happened?”

Taeyong wants to close his eyes and never open them again, so he wouldn’t need to pretend anymore.

Dongyoung doesn’t answer right away, and from that, Taeyong knows he’s still out of it, that he’s dangerous and Jisung is there. He moves Jisung behind his back, even if the other is taller than him and Dongyoung can see him anyway. It wouldn’t take much for Dongyoung to reach Jisung, it doesn’t matter that Taeyong is between the two of them, Dongyoung is strong, he’s pure strength and no one can’t stop him, not even Kun.

And yet, Taeyong has to protect Jisung, even if it means he will get hurt, he has to protect his child. _His child_. He didn’t turn Jisung, and even if he did, he still wouldn’t be his child, but he can’t stop himself from feeling like Jisung is his. His and Dongyoung’s. He tried at first, but he can’t pretend about this, he can pretend about everything else, but not this. 

“Dongyoung,” he says, voice firm, eyes locked with the other’s, “you’re scaring Jisungie.”

Behind his back, Jisung holds his hand even tighter, Taeyong squeezes back, trying to comfort him.

“He has to feed,” are the first words Dongyoung says. His voice is wrong, it’s empty just like his eyes, devoid of any feeling, almost robotic. If he didn’t know better, Taeyong wouldn’t recognise the person in front of him.

“Stop imposing yourself on him,” Taeyong tells him, louder, hoping to get the message across. He doesn’t care if the others hear him, they surely already know what’s happening, but no one dares to meddle. They never do.

“Taeyong,” Dongyoung whispers through his clenched teeth, threatening, and Taeyong almost caves in, he almost steps to the side and lets Dongyoung get close to Jisung, but he doesn’t. The need to protect is stronger than his own fear. Jisung has to learn, even if it pains him, even if it makes him cry, he has to learn how to feed by himself. He needs to learn how to kill.

There are tears at the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall down on his cheeks.

“Taeyong,” Dongyoung repeats, louder this time, if possible even more threatening. Jisung whimpers and Taeyong wants to scream, close the distance between them and just hit Dongyoung’s chest, again and again, until he will realise what he’s doing.

“Please, Dongyoung, stop,” he begs, a single tear escaping. “You’re hurting us.”

Taeyong has long accepted Dongyoung and his ways, he has understood he can’t do anything about it, he can’t change him, it doesn’t matter how much he tries, but he won’t give up, he won’t stop fighting back, even if he’s tired.

The blood on Dongyoung’s face has started to dry, cracking at some parts, but the rest on his body is still fresh, drop after drop falling on the floor.

“Jisung,” Taeyong says then, eyes still on Dongyoung, he doesn’t dare to take them away, he doesn’t know what would happen if he did.

“Yeah, hyung?” Jisung answers, voice still feeble. It feels like blades are cutting through Taeyong’s dead and still heart, leaving him breathless, even if he’s dead and his lungs don’t work anymore.

“Go back to my bedroom and lock the door, don’t open it until I come back,” he instructs the other. A door won’t do much against Dongyoung’s strength, but it will give Taeyong enough time to coat him out of his bloodthirsty-self. 

Once Jisung steps back, Dongyoung speaks again. “Don’t move, Jisung,” he says under his breath, voice lower than ever. “Move and I’ll hurt Taeyong.”

“Dongyoung hyung, please.” His fear became stronger than his hunger, Taeyong can feel it, he’s shaking because he’s afraid, not because he’s trying to control himself.

Dongyoung’s aware that’s the best and fastest way to stop Jisung, make him do whatever he wants, but Taeyong is still there and he won’t let it happen, not again.

It has happened too many times and the more time passes, the more Jisung will convince himself he doesn’t need to kill to feed, that there will always be Dongyoung to give him blood. Taeyong wishes it were like that, he wishes he could let Jisung do that forever, but he can’t, if it will come to it, he’s prepared to force Jisung to kill. Taeyong knows how much it hurts taking someone’s life, using them to feed and then discard the body where no one will find it, he has cried over it, he still does sometimes, and yet, he has learnt it anyway. He’s a vampire and vampires kill humans to feed. Jisung’s a vampire too, he has to kill, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t want to.

“Go,” he only says, pushing the other back, though Jisung doesn’t listen to him, he doesn’t move, he doesn’t turn around and run towards his bedroom.

“He needs to feed first,” Dongyoung fights back, taking a step closer. “He hasn’t in days.”

“He doesn’t need to,” Taeyong lies, he’s aware Jisung is hungry, but he can’t let him feed through the other. Dongyoung looks more himself than he was minutes before, but not completely yet. “What he needs is to learn how to feed himself on his own, not you bringing him blood.”

Once those words are said, Taeyong can’t take them back. 

Dongyoung chuckles, but he’s not amused, a twisted and sly smile rests on his lips, dirtied by blood. His fangs are too. 

“Look who’s talking,” he snorts, “the one who cried each time he saw a drop of blood.”

He’d lie if he said the other’s words don’t hurt him, if he said he doesn’t care about what Dongyoung thinks about him. It’d be a lie and even if the blood in his veins isn’t his and soon it will disappear, he still feels it freeze, making him colder than he already is. 

Jisung has taken his hand into his again, gripping it even tighter than before, Taeyong wants to turn around and comfort him, whisper sweet words to reassure him, but he first needs to take care of Dongyoung. 

Dongyoung, who was gone for almost the whole night, Taeyong doesn’t know where, killing human after human and bathing in their blood. Every time the other gets out, Taeyong always hopes it’s for something else even if he knows he’s just fooling himself, he keeps hoping one night Dongyoung will stop, that he will understand he can’t kill so many humans, that he will bring hunters on their heads and he won’t be the only one suffering because of it. 

That thought makes him angry. Taeyong feeds when he needs to and he stops when he’s full, he doesn’t keep killing humans just for the sake of it. Dongyoung doesn’t do that, he feeds and feeds, taking more blood than he needs because he knows Jisung would be starving if Dongyoung didn’t let him feed on himself. So he kills, and kills, and kills, until he’s red and Taeyong doesn’t recognise him anymore.

No one tells him anything, not even Kun or Ten, and the others are too scared to even try, they’re scared of his bloodthirsty-self. Dongyoung is strong, stronger than he should, and when he’s like that, almost as if he were possessed by a Blood Demon, he’s even stronger, the most powerful. So no one tells him anything, in the end, he’s a vampire, he’s supposed to kill humans, it doesn’t matter that the number of bodies thrown away by him keeps getting higher. 

Taeyong is the only one who still tries, who wants to stop Dongyoung’s hatred towards humanity, who wants to make him understand killing humans isn’t something he can do so easily, without caring just because he’s a vampire. His actions will return back at him thousands of times worse, and then it will be too late. 

“You have to stop this,” Taeyong seethes, angry and scared, nails leaving small cuts on his palm. “What if you’re so intoxicated you can’t sense hunters following you here?” he asks, voice loud enough it resounds in the empty hall of their Coven House. He wants to take a step towards the other, close their distance, point a finger against Dongyoung’s chest and dig it until it will reach his heart. He doesn’t, though, he doesn’t want Jisung too close to the other. 

Dongyoung doesn’t say anything, but his expression is enough, he’s thinking about the possibility of that happening. 

“What if they capture us and Jisung remains alone? What then?!” he’s screaming, he doesn’t care anymore, he wants to get it all out of his chest. “He will starve to death because of you!” 

It’s then that Dongyoung comes back, he becomes himself again, when the truth is shouted at him. 

“He will die _because of you,_ because you didn’t let him learn and you won’t be able to do anything about it!”

If Taeyong were still human, he’d feel his own blood boil in his veins, his heart would beat so fast he’d hear it in his ears, but he’s not, so he remains cold, and yet, he’s in pain, tears still in his eyes. 

Dongyoung looks almost taken aback, but he doesn’t answer, and maybe it’s better like that. Taeyong isn’t ready to hear what he has to say, he’s not strong enough to keep talking, realize that maybe his words were absorbed by the walls and didn’t reach Dongyoung. So he does the only thing he can think about, he turns around and leaves, bringing Jisung with him.

He doesn’t spare a glance to the other, he doesn’t want to wait for an apology that won’t come, and yet, when he leaves the hall, he feels like his heart remained there on the marble floor, broken and dead, but still hurting. 

  
  


○

  
  


“I know Dongyoung sent you,” are the first words he says when he senses Jaehyun out of his bedroom. 

Jaehyun chuckles and then, he’s inside. 

“He didn’t,” he lies. Taeyong knows Dongyoung too well, Jaehyun too. 

“Don’t lie straight to my face, Yoonoh,” Taeyong warns him, to which Jaehyun just smiles, dimples appearing in his cheeks. 

“And you don’t call me Yoonoh,” the other replies back, sitting by Taeyong’s side on the bed. 

Taeyong scoffs, he fiddles with a thread of his sheets, and “Why are you here?” he asks then, “for real.”

Jaehyun takes his time to answer, as if he’s really pondering each word, choosing the best way to formulate his answer. “Dongyoung hyung sent me.”

Taeyong laughs, “I already know that.”

Jaehyun doesn’t waste time, he doesn’t go around the matter because soon after, “You have to feed,” he’s saying, looking at him with a serious expression. 

He sighs, he kind of already knew it would’ve been about that. After all, it’s been more than a month he hasn’t fed. The hunger came after two weeks, but it was bearable, and then during the third week it felt like a monster was inside his body, trying to get out, clawing at his flesh from the inside. Everything stopped after a month, the hunger disappeared and in its place there’s just numbness. 

“I won’t,” Taeyong replies back, aware everyone in the House stopped to do whatever they were doing just to listen to their conversation. “I’m not hungry.”

“If this is a way to try to stop Dongyoung hyung from killing more humans, then it’s not working, he’s starting to kill even more because he wants you to feed from himself,” Jaehyun informs him. 

Taeyong knows Dongyoung’s going out almost each night, but it’s been more than a month he has been avoiding him, from the night he came back and tried to make Jisung feed from himself. 

“I don’t care.” This time, it’s his turn to lie, of course he cares, he’s aware it won’t end well, far from it. 

“Hyung,” Jaehyun almost begs, and Taeyong’s almost sure it’s the first time he hears the other beg. “Hyung, please, you have to feed.”

Taeyong knows he has to feed, it’s just not numbness, he feels dizzy and he’s not even sure he’d be able to get up from the bed and walk into a straight line, but for once, the hunger’s gone and he can accept all of those things if it means he hasn’t to feel the craving for blood. 

He shakes his head, eyes focused on the loose thread on the sheets. “No.”

Jaehyun sighs, “Hyung is going crazy,” then he tells him. Taeyong knows what he’s doing, he’s trying to guilt trip him into feeding, because if he doesn’t, then others will be hurt. Most of the time, it works, but not this time. 

“I said I’m not hungry,” Taeyong repeats, calm, the numbness prevents him from getting angry too. “I won’t feed, Yoonoh.”

Jaehyun gets up, he knows when he has lost a battle. 

Once he’s near the door, “Don’t starve yourself to death, please,” he begs him once again, and then he leaves. 

_Oh_ , Taeyong wishes he could starve himself to death, but he’s a coward and he already knows he won’t.

  
  


○

  
  


It’s not a dream. Of course it’s not a dream, Taeyong can’t sleep, not anymore. He can’t close his eyes and fall asleep, forget everything even if it’s just for a few hours.

He’s laying down on his bed when it happens. His eyes are closed and he’s not really aware of what’s happening in the House, it’s the closest way he can get to sleep. That’s why he doesn’t hear it at first. He doesn’t hear the loud words or the screams, he’s in his own bubble and the outside world is muted.

Taeyong doesn’t notice Dongyoung’s back, that the noise is caused by his presence.

It’s when, “Taeyong hyung!” someone shouts that he realises. It feels like waking up from a nightmare with a jolt, eyes wide and a shortness of breath he shouldn’t feel.

“Taeyong hyung!” they shout again, _Donghyuck_ , and then it’s Yangyang, it seems like everyone’s calling him. A moment before he’s still in his bedroom, and then one after, he’s in the lounge of their Coven House. 

The first thing he sees is red. The marble floor is coated in blood, and when he lowers his head, he notices it’s under his naked feet, too cold to be coming from a body.

And then, when he looks up again, Taeyong notices him. 

_Dongyoung._

He’s covered in blood too, soaked by it. His eyes are not his anymore, pupils dilated, too sharp and mean, and they’re looking directly at him.

A shiver travels from his neck to his back, until it reaches his legs, making them weak, he’s glad he doesn’t end up on the floor, too weak to even stand up.

Taeyong doesn’t have time to react, nor to say a word, because as soon as he realises Dongyoung’s looking at him, the other has already moved. Dongyoung pins him against the wall, too hard and too fast for Taeyong to do something, even if considering the state Dongyoung’s in, no one would be able to do something against him, he’d crush everyone with just a finger, Taeyong too.

He sends a glance towards the kids, all gathered together by the couches, and just hopes they aren’t fools enough to try stopping him. Dongyoung’s out of his mind, as if a demon’s possessing him, he wouldn’t even recognise Jisung.

“You’re too human,” Dongyoung says through his teeth, an arm pressed against his neck, but Taeyong’s a vampire and he doesn’t need to breathe, so it just hurts. “I have to kill you.”

“Dongyoung hyung!” one of the kids screams, maybe Renjun or Jeno, Taeyong’s too focused on the other to understand. If he takes his eyes away from the other, he’s dead.

“I’m a vampire,” Taeyong replies back, eyes locked into the other’s, even if he’s certain Dongyoung isn’t even registering what he’s seeing. If he did, Taeyong wouldn’t be against a wall, his own fingers wrapped around the other’s arm.

“No!” he shouts, arm pressed on his neck even more, Taeyong whimpers, but it doesn’t reach Dongyoung’s ears. “You’re fucking not!” 

“Hyung! Stop!” _Jisung_. Taeyong didn’t notice he was there too. “You’re hurting him! Stop!” he screams, Taeyong senses him closer than he was seconds before. 

_Please, don’t get too close_ , Taeyong prays, he won’t forgive himself if Jisung or another kid gets hurt because Dongyoung’s demon has understood Taeyong learnt how to pretend, that he still hasn’t left his human-self behind. 

“You’re human,” Dongyoung repeats, voice a low whisper, his free hand raised to Taeyong’s face. He slowly brushes his bloody fingertips against his cheek, and the blood on his skin feels like fire, its scent making him want to throw up. “You hate vampires. You hate me.”

Taeyong stays silent, he wants to close his eyes, but he can’t. 

“Why do you hate me?” he asks, and Taeyong doesn’t know who’s speaking, if it’s Dongyoung, _his_ Dongyoung, the one he loves, or Dongyoung’s Blood Demon. 

“I don’t hate you,” he answers, keeping his voice a whisper. He knows everyone who was in the House has come to the lounge by now, it’s not just the kids anymore, and he knows they’re all hearing what they’re saying. 

“I can see it in your eyes,” Dongyoung replies back, he closes his eyes for a brief second and when he opens them again, they look clearer, but still too far away. “You hate me so much.”

“I said I don’t.” Taeyong tries to push the other’s arm away, but he can’t, it feels glued to his body. “I don’t fucking hate you, Dongyoung, I _love_ you,” he says through his teeth, using one hand to hit the other’s chest. Dongyoung remains unfazed, as if he’s not hearing his words.

“You hate who turned you the most,” he says then, and Taeyong stills, confused. “He doesn’t remember what happened that night,” he adds, words a whisper, as if Dongyoung’s talking about someone else, or is it himself? 

“What do you mean?”

Taeyong senses Kun before he can see him. He appears behind Dongyoung and he locks both his arms around his torso in a quick movement, dragging him away from Taeyong. Dongyoung doesn’t react fast enough, still focused on Taeyong, and it’s then that Youngho and Yuta help Kun pin him to the opposite wall.

“Let me go!” Dongyoung screams, trashing into their hold, but Yuta just presses a side of the other’s face into the wall, as hard as he can, meanwhile Kun and Youngho keep his body still. Xuxi joins them too, pressing down on the other’s back to keep him glued to the wall. Only then, Dongyoung stops moving, but he’s still looking at Taeyong from the corner of his eye. 

“Tell them to let me go!” he screams, too loud in the silent lounge. Taeyong shuts his eyes, hopes he could block the other’s voice out too. “Taeyong!” he keeps screaming, louder and louder. Taeyong cries, a hand flies to his mouth to keep the sobs inside.

“I have to tell you something!” he shouts, and for the first time that night, Dongyoung’s voice sounds like his own again. Taeyong opens his eyes, still plastered to the wall. Dongyoung’s trying to get himself free from the others, but he suddenly looks too tired and weak to overpower them.

Kun uses one hand to cover the other’s mouth, “Shut the fuck up,” he tells him, and Taeyong’s too overwhelmed to really understand what’s going on. It’s the first time someone has intervened when Dongyoung’s like that, but it’s also the first time Dongyoung almost tried to kill him. Dongyoung screams against Kun’s fingers, but it’s just noise. He looks desperate, pained and Taeyong feels the need to console him, he feels it deep in his chore, something he can’t control. 

Taeyong tries to take a step towards the other, but fingers wrapped around his wrist stop him. 

“Stay away from him,” Jaehyun tells him, voice soft, though his grip is firm, not letting Taeyong move. 

Dongyoung trashes again, and Yuta uses both his hands to keep his head still, but in a moment of pure strength he’s able to yank it away, to free his mouth too. 

Everything stops. 

“It was me who turned you.”

And then, it’s chaos. 

His legs give up and he falls on the floor, not even Jaehyun’s fast enough to keep him up. 

A part of his brain tells him he can’t breathe and Taeyong believes it. _He can’t breathe._ He clutches the t-shirt he’s wearing with his fingers, his chest hurts, his body hurts, it feels like thousands of blades are piercing his whole body, it feels like his heart is shattering, _he can hear it_. 

Taeyong wheezes, he hears someone scream, but it’s distant, his ears are ringing and he can’t hear anything clear. 

_It was me who turned you._ The words repeat in his head, again and again, they haunt him and Taeyong doesn’t want to accept it’s the truth. 

Once he leans his forehead on the floor, he realises the sound he thought was his heart shattering comes from his lips instead. He’s sobbing, ugly cries scratch his throat. 

“No, no, no, please,” he sobs, fingers on the floor, he tries to grip onto something, his t-shirt is not enough, but he finds nothing, only blood and it stains his hands. 

Someone hugs him, and when he lifts his head, he’s met with Ten’s eyes. “ _Please_ ,” he whimpers, gripping Ten’s shirt between his fingers, “make it stop, please.”

Taeyong doesn’t even know what he’s saying, he just wants everything to stop, he doesn’t want to feel the pain anymore, he doesn’t want any emotion, he wants to be a real vampire and stop feeling. 

It can’t be Dongyoung. Everyone but not Dongyoung. He loves him, but he hates the person who turned him the most, and it can’t be Dongyoung. He can’t both love and hate the same person, he can’t live knowing it’s him. 

_It was me who turned you._

Taeyong feels the scream coming from the center of his chest, he feels it travel up to his throat, so he just opens his mouth and then, he screams, and screams, and screams. 

After what seems like an eternity, he passes out.

  
  


○

  
  


When he wakes up, he thinks it was a dream, and then, he remembers. Taeyong can’t dream because he’s a vampire. 

It was real. 

He doesn’t even try to stop the tears, he doesn’t fight the pain that spreads from his chest to the rest of his body, and he doesn’t answer when from outside his bedroom someone calls his name, desperate and hurt. 

He doesn’t do anything, not even when he hears Dongyoung’s sobs, _I’m sorry,_ repeated again and again against Taeyong’s bedroom door. 

_He can cry too_ , Taeyong thinks, and then he closes his eyes. He can’t sleep, but there’s something he can do better than anyone else, he can pretend that everything’s alright and that his heart isn’t broken into irreparable pieces. 

**Author's Note:**

> [second part](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963890) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/TAEYUKHEl) \- [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wurin)


End file.
